I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
