i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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