Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
