I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
