Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
