I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
