Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
