Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Randomize
