I am puke
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
