just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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