Im at strip club and am horny
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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