Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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