I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
