Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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