It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
