peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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