does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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