I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
