i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think my mom watched the whole time
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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