Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
