Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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