Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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