Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize