I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
