A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
