yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
