If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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