there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize