New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
