wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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