my mouth tastes like poor choices
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize