we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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