Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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