ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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