he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just had sex bonerless
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
