I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
