I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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