I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
