Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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