My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
