i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize