3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
