Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
