Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
