I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
