I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just want to make out with him forever
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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