Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
