Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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