y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
