i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
