According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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