There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
