He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
