I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
