we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
