Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
