We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
