they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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