Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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