you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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