I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
