I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
